I wear glasses. It is a predominant feature of mine, and people who don't know me describe me as "the girl with the glasses". It is also a rather sore spot of mine.
When I was very little, before I was in school really, I used to sit close to the tv. My parents always said that I would hurt my eyes if I sat too close, but the truth was I sat close because I already couldn't see. I had no way to articulate this because that was just how it always was. I didn't know what it was like to not have to squint or sit up close. I'm pretty sure I got my glasses in first grade. I remember picking them up from Walmart and wearing them out of the vision center. I was sitting in a shopping cart and staring at everything. Everything was so very sharp! The signs had distinct edges and the letters were crisp and clean! Outside was amazing! Trees had leaves! I always knew they did, but they were a blur of green, and these were hundreds of tiny individual green leaves! It was amazing.
At first, I was okay with them. I didn't get teased too much and the one kid who called me four eyes on the playground actually got made fun of for making such a lame joke. One day I was called to the nurses office in the middle of class. I was very confused, it never seemed to be good to get called out of class. One of my classmates was in the office, distraught, because she had just found out that she needed glasses. I was one of very few that had them, so they called me in to talk to her. I told her about all the different frames there were in all different colors and I let her try mine on to see how she looked in the mirror. I remember making her laugh and I felt great that I could help someone else like that.
I grew to hate my glasses as time passed, since I was still one of few who wore them, and it seemed like none of the popular girls had them at the time. I used to take them off for school pictures and hide them behind my back. As time went on, my vision got worse. Every year I went for my exam, I had to get a new prescription. It seemed endless.
I remember hearing about Lasik Eye Surgery. My heart jumped for joy! A cure for bad eye sight! At this point I was still a minor, the procedure was still considered "new" in the scientific world, and it was massively expensive. Nevertheless, I asked my ophthalmologist about it at my next appointment. He was an excellent doctor and took my inquiry very seriously. He explained the procedure and the risks, and told me that I would not even be a candidate until my vision stopped changing for at least three years. I was a little disappointed, but it became a little ray of hope that someday, I could have perfect vision and throw away my glasses for good.
In high school I had contacts that I dutifully wore everyday. Many people didn't know I had bad vision until it came time for sleepovers or those fateful days when a contact tore or got lost and I was forced to use my glasses. I managed the best I could and was grateful for the contacts for the time being. My vision did not stop changing until college. Finally it settled at an impressively bad -8.50 in the left eye and a -9.00 in the right (this will only mean something to people who pay attention to their prescription...). For a couple years I didn't do anything about it. Then one day, a coworker mentioned she had had the procedure several years prior and still had 20/20 vision. I oozed with jealousy and tackled her with questions. Another coworker and friend overheard and expressed her desire to have the surgery as well. We agreed to go for a free consultation together the following week.
I talked to my parents about it. I was broke, and although the price had dropped significantly, I couldn't afford it alone. My parents agreed to help me pay and I was ecstatic. It was finally happening!
The day of the consultation was exciting. We got off work and went straight to the doctors office, giddy with excitement. They kept us together for all the tests and we got to sit together throughout everything. Everyone in the office was kind and no one was wearing glasses! The first test uncovered the fact that I had a very small astigmatism in my right eye. Nothing to be concerned about, the nurse said, so small it wouldn't affect the surgery. We filled out a bunch of paperwork and finally got to see a real doctor.
I think my friend went first and she passed with flying colors. She was cleared for surgery and we were in full of celebratory mode. Then it was my turn with the doctor. It felt like he was taking forever looking at my eyes. I couldn't wait to go call my parents and tell them when my surgery was going to be. I just wanted him to say it was going to be okay! The nurse had explained that because my vision was so bad, they would have to remove a lot of the cornea and it may not even bring me to 20/20. I was nervous. I was worried that my eyes would be unfixable.
What happened next was far beyond the realm of possibility. I was worried he would say it wouldn't work, and what he actually said was far worse.
"You have a detached retina in your right eye. You need to see a specialist and have surgery first thing tomorrow."
What? I have a what? What could happen?
"You can go blind."
Suddenly, my vision didn't seem so bad. Blind? I couldn't go blind. I felt sick, my head swimming. We went to the lobby and the nurse tried to call the specialist, but the office was closed. They gave me the number as well as the doctors cell phone number and sent me home with specific instructions. I had to see that doctor as soon as the office opened in the morning.
I called the doctors cell at 5am, panicked. He referred me to another doctor since he wouldn't be in town and once again urged me to get there as quickly as possible. I called the other office when they opened and was told to come in as soon as I could, I wouldn't need an appointment, they would move other people around. My mom picked me up from work and off we went. It was a whirlwind. This doctor took one look and sat down with me and my mom, telling us that he agreed with the Lasik doctor and sort of describe what was happening.
I have myopic eyes. Basically, my bad vision is cause by the fact that my eyes have stretched into an oval shape, moving the point of focus off of my retina. Because they are so stretched, my retina had stretched with it and developed tiny tears or holes. The vitreous fluid in my eye was able to get behind my retina through these holes and lift it off the back of my eye. It was causing irregularities in my vision so slight that I hadn't given them a second thought. The surgery was done with a laser. It would essentially burn my retina back into place, creating a barricade of scar tissue around the holes, hopefully keeping the retina in place in the future. The alternative surgery if this one did not work was to install a "buckle" in my eye to hold it in place, which would limit my vision much more severely.
I had the surgery right there in the office. I was given numbing eye drops and the warning that it would feel like pinching. It sort of did feel like pinching, but with a hot poker in the very center of your head. Every time the laser fired, I could see the veins on the back of my eye in the reflection of the light. It took a few months to fully heal. Bright lights caused excruciating pain.
Luckily, I only lost a few degrees of peripheral vision in my right eye. I go to the retina specialist every year for a check up and every year I hold my breath, hoping and praying that everything is still okay. I will be forever thankful to the man who caught the detachment and the man who preformed the surgery. For now, everything is in its rightful place, and I have become somewhat of an advocate for retina awareness. If you have bad vision, I highly recommend that you ask your eye doctor if you are at risk for retina detachment. They should be able to see any signs of thinning (which I have in my left eye and we watch closely), or tearing. They should also be able to tell you what things to watch out for, as they may be signs of retina detachment.
After all of this, I still hate my glasses. I wish I weren't blind in the shower and didn't trip of the vacuum if I risk going to the bathroom at night without them. I still hold out hope that someday, technology will catch up with my eyesight, and I will be able to have a successful Lasik procedure.
