I'm on the Registry

When I was 18 years old, a little boy in my church fell very ill. He went downhill quickly and it became apparent that he was going to need a bone marrow transplant to have a fighting chance. None of his family was a match. We moved as quickly as possible, but by the time we got a bone marrow drive organized, he had passed away. We held the drive in his honor. I was proud to give a little vile of blood and put my marrow on the Nation Bone Marrow Donor's list. You can join the registry at 18 and remain on the list unless you withdraw your name, contract a disease that disqualifies you, or you turn 60. Bonus points: they now put you on the registry with a simple cheek swap, no needles!

I keep my information updated through Be the Match in case I am someone's match. I feel glad knowing that my information is there, in case there comes a time when my match needs me, and I can only hope that if one of my family members or myself ever needs it, our match will be there too.

Seeing the story about Amit reminded me of all the reasons why I'm on the registry, but also compelled me to share my story. The fact of the matter is finding a match for a persons bone marrow is much more difficult than a blood type match. There are many other markers that doctors look for. There are currently 10,000 people in need of a life saving bone marrow transplant and only about half will receive one. Ethnicity plays a part in finding a match. In Amit's case, his quest for a match and the social media movement to support him has uncovered the fact that South Asians are desperately under represented in the National Bone Marrow Registry. On the Be the Match website right now, there is a video advocating for more African American representation. His story started a grassroots movement and colleges everywhere sponsored bone marrow drives. Check out the twitter hashtag #iswabbedforamit

Regardless of your ethnicity, I feel it is vitally important that we grow this list. Have you ever donated blood? Have you donated your childs' cord blood? Are you registered as an organ donor? Consider adding bone marrow donor to your list. Be sure to visit the links I've provided. Be the Match has great case studies from people who have donated and received transplants, giving you a realistic view of what happens when you are a match. I'm a proud member of the registry. Who will join me?

Fall Cleaning

Technically, I am a little late for the Spring Cleaning crowd, but it's better late than never!

I am not a neat person by nature. Being tidy and organized is something that I have to work on and training myself to become a cleaner person is hard. It requires that I choose between spending my day off on my butt in front of the computer or spending my day off with a pair of gloves and a bottle of vinegar in my oven. Today, cleaning finally won.

When I was a kid, my room was always a disaster. Putting away clean clothes meant stacking them on the floor in front of the dresser. Books and notebooks and papers started off stacked but eventually fell over and covered the floor. I could rarely see the floor in my bedroom save for a path to the bed itself. My closet doors were perpetually open with clothes and stuffed animals spilling out of the shelves. My poor parents were always on me to clean my room since it was basically a fire hazard. Ever seen that show, Hoarders? That's pretty much what my bedroom looked like. Even as a kid, I liked my stuff.

Disclaimer: I'm going to state for the record that moving in with someone early into a relationship is a very bad idea. So is sharing a bank account. Just saying.

After a bad breakup (that I sometimes refer to as The Divorce), I had to sit down and go through all of the stuff that we had accumulated throughout the two years we lived together. I walked away with nowhere near as much stuff as I contributed, but I got to keep all of the debt. Because I was older and had more/better credit, the Kohl's charge card, the Target charge card, and the regular credit card were all in my name. Through the relationship, payments were made from OUR account, but once the relationship was over, the payments came from MY account. I also ended up paying for the damages to the apartment (to the tune of $600) since my ex and former roommate refused to contribute.

Since The Divorce, I am sensitive to boundaries in relationships. I have my stuff that I paid for and his stuff that he bought to keep at the apartment or at his house for me to use, and there are a few things that are in the grey area of 'ours', but nothing major. We don't live together and we definitely don't share a bank account. I am sure he ends up paying for more than I do between eating out and trips to Disneyland and the beach, but neither of us is keeping track of the exact dollar amount and I do my best to chip in when I can. I am still paying off some of the debt that I took away from The Divorce, but I am finally feeling like all of this is manageable.

Learning to let go of stuff since then has been more difficult. Learning to trust that my relationship is not going to explode into a property war is difficult. Stuff doesn't break up with you and leave. Stuff is there when you're sad and stuff doesn't abandon you.

Stuff is also not love. My things can provide a slight comfort in the fact that they are there when I am looking for them, but they are not a good replacement for human companionship. Connecting with people on any level is risky. Friends can betray you, boyfriends come and ago, even family members can go off the deep end. None of these things is a good excuse to isolate yourself. And while it can be difficult to open up and share yourself with another person, you have to find the gumption to risk it all on a gamble that this time it will all work out.

I can't say I have no regrets in my dating history, but I'm working on it. Life is a work in progress. It's not over til the fat lady sings.